Power Game
by Aya1
Summary: [Complete] Something happens that could tear all Gundam pilots apart.... (NCS, YAOI)
1. Part 1

[][1]

Title: Power Game, Part 1   
  
Author: Aya Maxwell   
  
Pairings: 3x2, 1x2   
  
Warnings: Lemon, NCS, violence, language, angst   
  
Notes: //Chara thoughts//   
  
Duos POV   
  
_____________   
  
I was dreaming... it was one of those dreams where you are watching yourself do the most unreal and idiotic things. Never had those? Well I have them all the time. In this particular dream Heero was with me, and he was being completely un-Heero like. He was smiling and being gentle with me, and he told me he loved me. Then he began to show me just how much.   
  
Now if you know Heero like I know him, you would know that the Wing pilot is nothing like that. He isn't gentle, sweet, and he never tells me he loves me. See what me and Heero have is special... we just screw like rabbits whenever we have the chance. Now don't get me wrong. We do talk, well I mainly do the talking and he types on his laptop. There are some things in our arrangement that I could change, but hey I am not about to complain. I'm sleeping with the most dangerous man in the universe, and he is also one of the most beautiful. It also doesn't hurt that he is damn good in bed. I have had my fair share of lovers and Heero has them all beat in the making me scream and beg for more department.   
  
Anyway in my dream I was now sprawled out on some kind of bed while Heero did the most amazing things with his mouth. Damn, it felt so real. Dream Duo was just about to climax when I woke up.   
  
Pissed off and annoyed that I hadn't finished that damn beautiful dream, I sat up in bed halfway.   
  
//What the hell woke me up anyway?//   
  
With a groan I sat up, and raked a hand through my sweaty bangs. It was really dark in my room, not even the moon was shining through the window. I let my eyes adjust to the dark and glanced around the room. That's when I saw him, just sitting there.   
  
"Trowa?"   
  
He was just standing there, leaning against the door. His emerald green eyes sparkling in the darkness. I noticed that they were a little too glassy and kind of unfocused. That's when it hit me, Trowa was drunk.   
  
Swallowing a little nervously, I tried again. "Trowa? Um.. what the hell are you doing in my room?" I fiddled with the end of my braid nervously. We were all alone in the safe house. Quatre, Heero and Wufei were away on a mission. They wouldn't be back until the next afternoon.   
  
"Dammit Trowa, talk or get the hell out."   
  
I didn't recognize my own voice. It was scared sounding and wimpy. I figured that probably had something to do with the fact that I was still half asleep, and Trowa was creeping me out big time.   
  
Trowa looked me up and down with an almost predatory smirk. He looked like he wanted to eat me alive or something. "You are so beautiful." He whispered.   
  
I gaped at him. What the hell was going on? Trowa was with Quatre... they were in love. Right? What the hell was wrong with him? Besides, he knew I was with Heero. Well sort of... in any case I was taken. I pulled the blanket up around me protectively as he stalked closer and sat on my bed. I don't know why I just didn't get up and run like hell.   
  
"He doesn't deserve you. Do you realize that my sweet Duo?" He asked softly. He smelled like cheap liquor and cigarettes. Funny, I thought he had given up smoking when I did.   
  
I bit my lip and frowned. "Trowa, would you please leave. I would hate to have to hurt you." I muttered from between clenched teeth. He raised his eye brows in amusement.   
  
Ok, so I'm short, I'm the skinniest and the shortest. Even Wufei was at least 5'5, and I was still 5 feet even. But for a little guy I did work out, and I was strong. How the hell else does someone survive on the street for years, and then become a Gundam pilot? However I guess Trowa did have the upper hand in this situation, because before I could even defend myself he had me pinned to the bed. His tongue violently invading my mouth.   
  
I tried to push him off me, I really did. But he had my arms pinned and twisted painfully beneath me so that I couldn't move. Part of me thought that this couldn't possibly be real. Trowa would never do this to me. Right?   
  
However those thoughts were pushed out my mind when I felt his hands tearing at my boxers.   
  
"Trowa get the fuck off me!!" I screamed.   
  
He either ignored me, or was in to much of a drunken daze to hear me. I bit down on his tongue hard, and in response he punched me hard in the face. "Stop struggling, I know you want it." He snarled.   
  
After that my brain just shut down, and I had this out of body experience thing. It was like in my dream... I was on the outside looking in. I was watching Trowa -who I thought was my friend - rape and abuse my body. Then he shoved his thick cock inside my tight, unprepared entrance and everything was real again. I was back in my body, and the pain was unbearable.   
  
He slammed inside me harder and harder, even as I felt the blood beginning to slide down my thighs. He gripped my arms tighter, and kissed me sloppily, hungrily. I began to cry, something I hadn't done since I was a child. He thrust harder, apparently turned on by my tears. From what I could make out from his drunken babble.. I looked like a angel when I was crying.   
  
He was grunting louder now, his breathing becoming more erratic. "Does Heero fuck you like this?!" He hissed in my ear. I shut my eyes tight, and tried to do that out of body thing again. However it wouldn't work, and the pain got even more intense. He was clutching my arms so hard I think I was losing circulation. I had given up fighting back, so I just lay there like a limp doll as he brutalized my body.   
  
I don't know how long it lasted... but it seemed like hours. Then finally he climaxed deep inside me, panting and moaning my name. I flinched away from him and curled up into a little fetal ball, trying to control my sobbing. I heard him get off the bed and get dressed again. Walking out of the room as if nothing had even happened.   
  
After lying in the bed shuddering and feeling incredibly filthy I crawled to the bathroom and locked the door. How could he do that...? How could he hurt me like that? He was supposed to be my friend.. I felt an urge to run down the stairs to the room he shared with Quatre and rip his balls off. But I guess that would do me no good.. I would probably just get hurt worse than I already was.   
  
I crawled into the shower and closed my eyes. Goddamn....why can't this just be a bad dream?   
  
  
  
TBC 

   [1]: file:///C:/Program%20Files/CoffeeCup%20Software/FREE%20HTML%205.0/ExpressFiles/



	2. Part 2

[][1]

Title: Power Game Part 2   
  
Author: Aya Maxwell   
  
Pairing: 3x2 1x2   
  
Warnings: NCS, Lemon, language, and angst   
  
Notes: //blah//   
  
Duos POV   
  
__________________   
  
Wet.... Cold and wet... those were the only two things that I was aware of at the moment. Everything was black and my mind was just a confused mass of jumbled thoughts. I didn't even know why I was so cold and wet. With great difficulty I opened my eyes and blinked several times. I was still in the shower... and the water was still on. Not exactly freezing but cold enough to make me shiver. I didn't remember falling asleep, especially when I was in a crumbled little ball in the shower.   
  
Wincing I stood up, my rear was still awfully sore and it hurt even worse now because of the cold water. Trembling I wrapped myself in a large towel and stared at myself in the mirror.   
  
//God I look like shit.//   
  
I stared at my reflection. My hair had come undone from his usual braid and it was plastered to my face, wet and tangled. I was incredibly pale.. Making the bruises on my face and body seem even larger and darker than they actually were. Then it dawned on me, that here I was standing in front of a mirror.. Thinking about how long it would take to untangle my hair when I had just gotten raped by one of my best friends. Then I started laughing... I couldn't even control it. The laughter just spilled from my lips. The rational part of my brain was noting that me laughing like this was probably some kind of sign that I had lost my mind.   
  
After all.. Who wouldn't? I mean after what I went through as a kid, what I had to do to survive. I never thought I would have to do anything like that again. I never thought that anyone would be able to hurt me like that again. I was strong now; I was a Gundam pilot. But yet here I was, in the exact same situation I had been in so many years ago. Raped and beat up, and completely helpless. I wasn't strong.. I was weak.. And one of the few people in this world that I trust with my life brought me back to that same hell I thought I had escaped from all those years ago.   
  
Somewhere along the lines my laughter turned to tears, and I slid to the floor sobbing. Again, time seemed to move slowly and endlessly. I was on the floor like that for I don't know how long.. When I heard the knock on the door...   
  
I scrambled to my feet and backed away. Was he back for more? Well I don't care how weak I was, this time I was going to make sure that if the bastard had his way with me. I was going to do some damage in the process. However when I heard Trowas voice I was completely shocked. It wasn't what I had been expecting.   
  
"Duo are you ok in there?"   
  
My nostrils flared and I fought the urge to spit out some angry comment. How dare he? He raped me.. And beat me, and now the fucking bastard wanted to know if I was ok? However something about his tone nagged me... the part of me that wasn't so enraged. He sounded tired, weary, and more than a little concerned. Nothing like the snarling monster who had forced himself on me last night.   
  
"Duo? If you don't answer I'm going to come in there after you?"   
  
I pinned myself against the wall, and grimaced. No, I definitely didn't want him to do that. However he didn't sound dangerous or even angry. He just sounded concerned. With another frown I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I cleared my throat. "T..Trowa?"   
  
"Are you ok?"   
  
"....."   
  
"Duo?"   
  
"...."   
  
".... What's wrong with you? Are you sick?"   
  
"..no"   
  
"Duo, did something happen last night?"   
  
"...w...what?"   
  
"...I guess I got drunk, because now I can't remember what happened."   
  
"......"   
  
"Did we get in a fight?"   
  
"....."   
  
"Well when you are ready to talk I will be downstairs. I apologize if I said anything out of line to you."   
  
"....."   
  
I heard the footsteps walking away and for the umpteenth time I slid to the floor. He didn't remember? Was it possible? No, it couldn't be, he was lying to cover his own ass. So I wouldn't tell Quatre and the others. I scowled and stared at the door. He had sounded sincere, even his apology. He seemed so unsure of himself. I knew Trowa hardly ever drank, and it was common for people who couldn't hold their liquor to forget what they did when they were drunk.   
  
Wrapping myself tighter in the towel I limped towards my room hurriedly and carefully dried myself. I can't face him, not after what happened. After what he did to me, but I need to know if he really can't remember and I will know just by looking in his eyes. The eyes never lie.   
  
I pulled some clothes on, baggy black jeans and an oversized black hooded sweatshirt. It was way to big for me, and more than likely belonged to Heero. But I really didn't care at the moment; I didn't even bother to braid my hair. I clenched my hands into fists and shuffled downstairs. I found him in the kitchen, drinking coffee. He looked up at me, and appraised me in surprise.   
  
"You left your hair down."   
  
I glared at him; did he really find it necessary to make stupid observations? "You're trying to tell me that you don't remember anything that happened last night?" I demanded sharply. He stared at me, and I looked directly into his eyes. He looked confused and lost.   
  
"I honestly don't remember a thing Duo."   
  
I frowned, but I knew it was true. He didn't remember. I could see it in his eyes, if there was anything I prided myself on it was my ability to read people. So now I had two options. Tell him, and allow him to feel guilt and shame. He would probably be so ashamed that he would either ask me to kill him, he would kill himself or he would just vanish without a trace, not coming in contact with any of us again. Or I could let him believe that nothing happened. And keep it to myself. Pretend that he never ripped my insides apart just to get his own pleasure. Never fucked me while I begged him to stop. I bit my lip to keep back the tears that were threatening to spill down my cheeks.   
  
"No.. Nothing happened anyway. It's not important. Just a little argument." I whispered. I winced at the lie and the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. "I'll be upstairs." I muttered and half limped, half shuffled back to the my room. Once up there I shivered and stared at the still unmade bed, the sheets still damp from Trowas cum. Resisting the urge to throw up, I spun around and ran into Heeros room, curling up in the bed that still smelled like my absent lover.   
  
"God someone help me." I murmured and fell into a deep sleep.   
  
TBC 

   [1]: file:///C:/Program%20Files/CoffeeCup%20Software/FREE%20HTML%205.0/ExpressFiles/



	3. Part 3

[][1]

Title: Power Game Part 3 - Teaser   
  
Author: Aya Maxwell   
  
Pairings: 3x2, 1x2   
  
Warnings: NCS, Lemon, language, and angst   
  
Notes: //Blah//   
  
Duos POV   
  
__________________   
  
I woke up sometime later to the sound of a door slamming. Squinting I looked over at the digital clock and groaned. It was well past 5:00 and the others were probably back. I briefly toyed with the idea of jumping out the window and running towards Deathscythe Hell which was hidden some 2 miles away. I was not ready to face Quatre and especially not Heero. Not only that but I still wasn't sure how I was going to handle this. I definitely can't face Trowa, but I had to pretend everything was all fine and dandy in front of the others.   
  
With a sigh, I climbed to my feet and started towards the window. Yeah, the best thing to do was disappear for awhile. Just as I flung the window open, the door behind me opened with a thud, slamming into the wall.   
  
Heero stood in the doorway, staring at me with those intense Prussian blue eyes. For a moment I was struck by the site of him, he was clad in his usual spandex shorts and tank top. His skin was flushed from the mission and his skin was slick with a sheen of sweat. He was the sexiest thing I had ever seen. But right now sex was the last thing I needed, and judging by the hungry way Heero was eyeing me... that was exactly what the Wing pilot had in mind.   
  
Before I could even greet him, he was across the room with his arms around me. I tried to push him away, but that was pointless. I didn't want this, I couldn't if I wanted to. Not after the way Trowa had... all thoughts trailed off when I felt his hands yanking at my zipper.   
  
"Heero stop.." I pleaded. He snorted and kissed me hungrily, like he was trying to eat me alive. "I missed you." He growled between kisses. One of his hands threaded through my hair, pulling it out of its braid; while the other hand impatiently ripped at my clothes.   
  
It was when Heero pinned me to the bed, and started to pull down my pants that I started to hyperventilate. "Get the fuck off me!" I screamed between each ragged gasp of breath. He immediately dropped his hands and got off me. I scrambled back on the bed and drew my knees up to my chin, still trying to calm myself down.   
  
"Duo... what the hell is wrong with you?" He demanded, looking none to happy with my reaction to his advances.   
  
There was no way out of this one without telling an outright lie, which I never ever do. But it was either that, or tell the truth.   
  
"I'm not feeling well."   
  
Heero frowned and sat down on the bed beside me, smacking a palm rather roughly over my forehead. "You aren't warm." I frowned at him. "Well, I have a headache."   
  
At least that much was true, I had a killer headache and he had just made it worse by smacking me in the head.   
  
Heero sighed heavily and flopped back on the bed, as if he were undergoing some kind of punishment.   
  
"I don't have to have sex with you all the time you know."   
  
He glared at me from under his bangs and made some strange growling sound. "What are you fucking someone else?"   
  
TBC   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


   [1]: file:///C:/Program%20Files/CoffeeCup%20Software/FREE%20HTML%205.0/ExpressFiles/



	4. Part 4

[][1]

Title: Power Game Part 4   
  
Author: Aya Maxwell   
  
Pairings: 1+2   
  
Warnings: Angst, Spoilers for Episode Zero   
  
  
  
Part 4   
  
I stared at him in complete shock. "What did you just say to me?" I asked, just to be sure I had heard him right.   
  
He gave me an annoyed look and glared up at me. "What I said was... 'are you fucking someone else?'"   
  
For some reason... that set me off. So basically Trowa, drunk or not thought he could fuck me with or without my permission, and now Heero was implying that I was fucking other people. Gee it is good to finally know that these people who I considered my friends think of me as some kind of whore.   
  
I clenched my hands into fists and glared at him angrily.   
  
"So what if I was." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and as soon as they were... he was on his feet with one strong hand gripping the front of my shirt.   
  
"What. Did. You. Just. Say." He ground out each word through clenched teeth.   
  
"What I said was 'So what if I was.' It's none of your goddamn business who I fuck Yuy. Outside missions you barely talk to me unless you are screwing my brains out. I am not your personal whore. I can do what I want when I want, and I don't owe you not one fucking explanation. So piss off."   
  
That was the wrong thing to say.   
  
He punched me so hard I flew backwards into the wall. Great, that was just what I needed. First Trowa rapes me and now Heero beats me up. Dandy.   
  
I stared up at him, and I saw that he was shaking with anger. I decided it was time to high tail it before he decided to hit me again. So I scrambled out of the room and ran like the weakling that I am. And guess what I did? Don't wanna guess? Fine. I went and took a shower. You know why? I still feel dirty.   
  
So I locked the door.. And took a shower, and started to cry. I don't know why I was acting like this; I had been raped before. When I was a kid I was raped several times. I lived on the streets, and I guess men found a kid with long hair and purple eyes irresistible. I guess they still do.. Seven months ago an OZ soldier made me give him a blowjob and if it wasn't for some intervention on 'Friend Trowas' part, the guy would have done a lot more.   
  
Friend Trowa.   
  
Friend.   
  
That's what it was. Before I met the other Gundam pilots I only had one friend. Solo. My best friend in the whole world at the time. We were tight, and we helped each other survive. We were going to be friends forever... but he died in my arms. Then there was Father Maxwell and Sister Helen, the only family I had ever known. Sister Helen was the one who taught me how to braid my hair.... Father Maxwell gave me my crucifix. They both died.   
  
Solo and Maxwell Church. So I named myself Duo Maxwell to honor these people, and ever since then I was alone.   
  
Now I have the other Gundam Pilots. Trowa, Quatre, Heero, and even Wufei. Comrades. Friends.   
  
Until last night...FUCK... He killed everything, destroyed all that hope and trust just so he can stick his dick in me. FUCK. He ruined everything. I can never trust him again. FUCK. What am I gonna do?   
  
Once I was out of the shower I hurried to my room, and tried not to look at the bed. I should have looked. Heero was sitting on it. Fuck. Just what I needed.   
  
"What?" I did my best to imitate his cold toneless voice and failed miserably. I am man enough to admit that I am afraid of Heero Yuy and after what happened last night I was not prepared for a repeat performance with this guy.   
  
"What the fuck happened to you?"   
  
Flinching under his stare, I did my best to cover myself with the towel. "N... Nothing. Just some old bruises." I lied. It seemed as though I was going to be doing a lot of that.   
  
He strode over to me in two steps and yanked the towel off. I got a little hysterical at that point and began squirming in his grip. "Heero, come on man let me go. Please. Just leave me alone."   
  
He gripped me harder as he examined the bruises. I was beginning to lose it, fuck... I did not need to have a panic attack. I was breathing so hard that it felt as though my lungs would burst. "H.. Heero.. Please.... Let... Me Go." I gasped out tearfully. So very pathetic...   
  
He stared at me hard and let go. "What did you think I was going to do to you?" I leaned against the wall and tried to cover myself. "I.. I don't know. Just go away. Please." He ignored my request and turned me forcibly so that I was facing him. "Who did that to you? Who touched you? Was it Trowa?"   
  
Blinking at the angry and - dare I say possessive - look in his eyes, I opened my mouth to say something but no words came out. "It was - a.... It was an accident." I lied miserably.   
  
He tightened his grip, those blue eyes flashing angrily. "How the fuck could all those bruises come from an accident." He demanded, snarling like some kind of wild beast.   
  
In the back of my mind I was idling wondering how he could hit me one minute, then get all hot and bothered about anyone else roughing me up. I guess he was the only one who could smash my face in.....   
  
I winced and bit back a whimper. "N... no, we were sparring and... Things got out of hand and... It's nothing Heero, please. It's nothing." He knew I was lying. I know he knew. Am I really that much of a bad liar? I guess so, because next thing I know he was out the door and storming downstairs to find the Latin pilot.   
  
Fuck. Nothing is ever easy.   
  
  
  
TBC   
  


   [1]: file:///C:/Program%20Files/CoffeeCup%20Software/FREE%20HTML%205.0/ExpressFiles/



	5. Part 5

[][1]

Title: Power Game Part 5   
  
Author: Aya Maxwell   
  
Pairings: 1+2, 3+4   
  
Warnings: Language, angst   
  
Notes: //Chara Thoughts//   
  
Disclaimer: I have nothing... I own nothing.   
  
  
  
Power Game   
  
Part 5   
  
  
  
For a minute I just froze in place, now knowing what to do. I was still standing there naked; arms wrapped around my too thin body while Heero was charging down the stairs to throttle Trowa. At that moment I pretty much resolved not to tell Heero ever about what had really happened. If he was acting like this over a few bruises.... I was scared to see what he would do if he knew the whole damned truth. An incredibly loud crash brought me back to my current situation and I went running - yes I was still naked - down the stairs.   
  
I was greeted with the sight of Trowa sprawled backwards on the living room floor while Heero raised his fist to punch the Heavyarms pilot again.   
  
"Heero stop!" Quatre shouted and attached himself to Heeros muscular forearm, trying in vain to pull him away. No one had noticed me yet, and I was kind of glad about that because I was still naked. Heero shoved Quatre away and advanced on Trowa who looked entirely too calm for someone who was about to be beaten senseless.   
  
I didn't want to intervene... I wanted Heero to beat Trowa into a bloody pulp.. I wanted him to feel pain... I wanted him to bleed. But I know once Heero started something he would not stop and no matter how much I hated Trowa at the moment I didn't want anyone dying because of me. No matter how badly they hurt me.   
  
"Heero!"   
  
Everyone stopped and looked at me in shock. After all, I was still naked. I ignored the humiliated blush that was creeping over my fair skin and tried my best to ignore the way Trowa was looking at my nude form. Fuck... did I really want to stop Heero?   
  
"Heero what do you think you are doing!? How could you just attack Trowa like that?" Quatre demanded angrily, helping his lover up. Trowa looked from me to Heero and frowned.   
  
"You give me one good fucking reason why I shouldn't beat the shit out of you." Heero growled, the look in his eyes promising death to the Latin boy.   
  
"Because I did nothing to you."   
  
//Yeah right bastard... you're just a fucking saint aint ya?//   
  
"Not to me... to Duo." The Wing pilot hissed.   
  
Trowa stared at me, and I looked away quickly. "Duo?" He asked calmly. I concentrated on my bare feet and clenched my teeth together. "I told you Heero; it was an accident... Trowa was drunk off his ass and I suggested we spar. Things got out of hand and that's why I'm all bruised up. That's it."   
  
I stole a quick look at Heero, and winced. He was glaring at me.. As if I had done something wrong. I swear all these fucking people have emotional problems, including me!   
  
"Duo?" Quatre asked questioningly. He looked from me to Trowa in confusion.   
  
"LOOK PEOPLE... HOW MANY MORE TIMES DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS? IT WAS NOTHING.... HE WAS DRUNK.. HE DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT ME! JUST DROP IT!" I all but screamed. I blinked back the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes and looked away from their shocked faces. It was true wasn't it? If he hadn't been drunk he would never hurt me like that would he? Never.. That's why I could lie to protect him.. Because he didn't mean it.. He didn't remember it.. And I would not have another death on my conscience.   
  
Memories from L2 came swarming back into my mind, and I bolted from the house before anyone could see me fall apart completely. I ran out into the surrounding wilderness, still naked and stumbling blindly in the direction of Deathscythe Hell. I ran for what seemed like hours and when I finally got there... I was covered with more scratches and bruises; my bare feet were a bloody mess, all cut up from the stones in the ground.   
  
The darkness comforted me as I collapsed in a boneless heap, next to Deathscythes massive foot. I allowed the tears to flow freely now that I was alone, and I scrunched myself into a tiny ball... shivering from the cold. When I was finished crying I felt exhausted.. So I lay there thinking.   
  
"Maxwell?"   
  
I swore under my breath and wrapped my thin arms around my knees. I did not want anyone to see me like this, especially Wufei. "Go away." My voice came out gravelly and uneven. Dammit.. Now he will start ranting about how I am weak.. And how only onnas cry.   
  
"Are you ok Maxwell?"   
  
I blinked in surprise and squinted up at him. He was wearing his usual white traditional attire, and stood out in the darkness easily. His face appeared to be creased with concern. Wow, Wufei was worried about me. Don't I feel fucking special?   
  
"Look Wufei.. I am really not in the mood to be bitched at about how weak I am. I don't care anymore.. I just want to be left alone. So you can just go back to the safe house and save all the nasty things you are planning to say to me."   
  
"I just brought you some clothes." He said dryly.   
  
I looked up at him again. "Oh.."   
  
He snorted and settled on the ground beside me, handing me a pair of jeans and a sweater. "You're covered in bruises Maxwell.. Are you sure you are all right?"   
  
I quickly shimmied into the clothes and went back into my fetal position, facing away from him. "I'm fine." I informed him stiffly. "Thanks for the clothes but you don't really need to stay here.. As soon as I figure out what to do me and Deathscythe are leaving. I don't need this shit.."   
  
"Duo... tell me what happened?" He asked softly.   
  
"What do you care?" I scoffed.   
  
"I care because.. you are my ally and my friend.. We are a team Duo. And if we ever want this war to end we have to stick together. Whatever hurts you... hurts all of us."   
  
"Those are some pretty words Wu-Chan.. But what if part of the team is the one who hurt me? Then what?"   
  
Wufei watched me silently in the darkness and made a hmm noise. "Then that person will be dealt with." He said grimly.   
  
I looked at him sharply. "That's right Wufei.. They will be dealt with. By being killed.. Then what will become of our team? We will be nothing.. And we will be destroyed. I think the fate of the world means more than me Wufei.. So until everything is finished and the five of us aren't needed anymore I will keep my mouth shut, and live with whatever happened."   
  
"Duo, tell me what happened. It has something to do with Trowa does it not?"   
  
"Please Wufei... please just drop it."   
  
"Whatever you tell me... I will keep in confidential. I swear on my honor Duo, you can trust me."   
  
I needed someone to talk to so badly.. I needed to get this horrible weight off my chest. "Wufei... please don't tell anyone what I tell you. If you do.. I will never forgive you and you will have shamed yourself and proved that you have NO honor."   
  
His eyes widened slightly at the last part, but he nodded. "I swear to you."   
  
"Trowa.. I lied about what happened.. He was drunk.. And he... he.. ra--"   
  
My sentence was cut off by a shrill beeping sound coming from Deathscythes cockpit. I jumped to my feet, wincing slightly and clambered up the side, opening the cockpit.   
  
"What is it?" Wufei called.   
  
I sighed wearily. "Mission."   
  
"Maxwell... if you had not been here, how would you know that you had a mission?"   
  
I smirked in the darkness. "Heero would have told me.. He always knows."   
  
I heard a snort coming from his general direction. I looked out at him and frowned, I did trust him but the best thing to do would be to go on my mission... disappear for awhile and try to forget everything that had happened in the past twenty four hours. No one would get hurt that way.. No one.. Except me anyway.   
  
"Thanks for the clothes Wufei.. I have to go. There are a bunch of Mobile Dolls out there callin my name." I started to close the hatch when he called my name.   
  
"Duo... when you get back. We will talk about this." He said firmly.   
  
I gave him a small smile and nodded weakly. "Yeah Wu-Chan.. When I get back. Ja ne."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
______________________   
  
End Part Five   
  
TBC   
  


   [1]: file:///C:/Program%20Files/CoffeeCup%20Software/FREE%20HTML%205.0/ExpressFiles/



	6. Side Story

Sorry this took so long! But I have the next three chapters all planned out so this ficcy should be done soon!

Title: Power Games ~ Side Story

Author: Aya Maxwell

Pairings: 3+4, 1+2

Warnings: Language, Angst, this part is PG-14

Notes: I decided to write this as a side story instead of the next part, because I want to keep everything else in Duo's POV. This is basically how the other pilots are dealing with the situation and Duo's absence during his mission.

{{Flashbacks}}

Disclaimers: I don't own the G boys but I like to play with them! ^_^

Trowa's POV

It has been exactly 144 hours, and 17 minutes since Duo left for his mission. Ever since he ran out naked that night something has been plaguing me. I know something happened the night that we were alone and it had to be more than just a little fight. No little spat could put that look of betrayal in his eyes. 

I keep trying to remember but I can't. The only thing I do remember is being worried about Quatre, and being a little depressed. I also remember picking up the bottle of Vodka and having one too many shots. After that everything is a blank.

Now here I am, worried about the boy who calls himself Shinigami and wishing he would just tell me the truth. I looked up and saw that Heero was standing by the doorway, he glared at me venomously before stalking up the stairs. He has been doing that for the past few days... just glaring at me as if he was trying to burn a hole in the side of my head.

I can't really blame him; I did hurt his lover. But that's the thing that really gets under my skin about Heero. He treats Duo more like a possession than a lover. He treats him like property. 

I am well aware of the fact that they became lovers one night in a safe house. It was even before me and Quatre became a couple; and they thought they were being so subtle. We all had a mission and Heero kept snapping at Duo for supposedly not paying attention, but I had known the longhaired boy heard every word that came out of Heero's mouth. They had argued and after awhile Duo had stormed out. Later that night the argument escalated into a fight in their room and although Quatre had wanted to intervene I stopped him. It was better if they solved it on their own. However I never expected to hear those groans of pain turn into moans of pleasure. After that they had shared a bed on a regular basis and after awhile Heero stopped caring about discretion. I was somewhat jealous at first, because Heero was able to have someone as bright and stunning as Duo and I was alone. But then Quatre came to me and I wasn't alone anymore. I realized then that I had loved Quatre all along.. and I had only been fantasizing about Duo because I had mistakenly though the blond pilot was out of my reach. 

I think that if I hadn't met Quatre first I would have fallen in love with the violet-eyed boy. He is so full of life, and even though all of his smiles are probably a mask.. I appreciate the fact that he tries to make me and the rest of the guys happy. He treats us like human beings and not just soldiers. Well that and the fact that he is beautiful. 

But that doesn't matter, Heero has him and I love Quatre. The important thing now is finding out what the hell happened that night. Maybe it wasn't so ba...

{{"Trowa?" His deep voice came out low and muffled from sleep.

He was lying sprawled on the bed, black sheets twisted around his slender body.. Pale skin standing out in stark contrast with the cotton. Duo's long chestnut hair was half unbraided and he sat half way up, gazing at me sleepily in the dark. God he was so sexy.

"Trowa? Um...what the hell are you doing in my room?" He fiddled with the end of his braid in what I thought was a nervous gesture. I continued to gaze at him, my mind hazy from the alcohol and now insatiable lust that was probably connected to the Vodka.

"Dammit Trowa, talk or get the hell out." 

He sounded scared and nervous, but none of that mattered. I felt a smirk curving on my thin lips as I stared at him with barely concealed hunger.

"You are so beautiful,"}}

I blinked and bolted up from the couch, nearly knocking Wufei over. What the hell was that?   
Confusion muddled my brain and I hurried out of the room, wanting to go sort my thoughts in private.

____________________

  
Quatre's POV

Something very strange is going on here. I can feel all the mixed emotions coming from my friends and it is worrying me. Heero is wound tight as a wire right now and I fear that the slightest thing is going to set him off. All of his anger seems to be aimed at Trowa for some reason. 

Trowa feels lost, confused and scared. I think scared that he might have hurt Duo that night.

Wufei is trying so hard to remain cool, but I know that he is just as worried as I am. 

Worried about the situation and about Duo. Duo should have been back days ago, but he still hasn't returned. Wufei suggested that maybe he took a few days to cool down but I don't think Heero buys that. Sometimes that guy acts like he *wants* something bad to happen. Anytime I try to be optimistic.. He shoots it down with a more negative idea. His cynicism can be somewhat unbearable at times and although I always try to be the voice of reason in our little group; I've been snapping at him more and more.

It makes me feel so helpless that I don't know what is going on. I know the others feel the same way but I feel guilty because I want so badly to help. I know in my heart that Duo is hurting and I picked up on strong feelings of resentment and betrayal when he looked at Trowa that evening. I am not a mind reader so I am not going to jump to conclusions that might be wrong, but something tells me that he is holding back. I hate to see his usually smiling face marred with tearstains and that anguished look in his eyes.

I sighed and leaned back in the couch, studying the book of poems that was lying in my lap. I glanced at Trowa and saw that he was staring out the window, deep in thought.

Fear

Anger

Lust

Shock

I froze as the sudden burst of emotions hit me full blast, leaving me breathless and feeling as though the wind had been knocked out of me. I sat completely still; unable to move a muscle as the different swirling sensations attacked me on all sides. It took me several moments to regain my composure and I saw that no one had even noticed my brief paralysis. I took a deep calming breath and let my eyes focus on Trowa. I knew those feelings had been coming from him and I needed to know why and.. What could cause them? However before I could even question him, the green-eyed pilot stood up quickly, and hurried out of the room. Wufei, who had been sitting beside him, stared after Trowa in bewilderment.

"What's his problem?" Wufei asked irritably, shifting on the cushion and picking up his small palm computer, which Trowa had knocked over in his haste. 

"How should I know? Just because I'm sleeping with me doesn't mean I can see into his brain." I snapped. 

Black eyes blinked at me and I could tell the Chinese pilot was somewhat taken back with my burst of hostility. "I wasn't trying to imply anything of the kind." 

I sagged in my chair and looked at the ceiling, pushing overly long bangs out my eyes. "I know Wufei, I apologize. It's just that this whole situation is getting to me! We don't know what happened between Duo and Trowa, we don't even know where Duo is and Heero is taking it out on all of us."

Wufei raised an eyebrow. "What happened between the two of them is none of our business. If Duo chooses to tell the truth then he will. If he doesn't, don't try to force him. Leave it be Winner."

I sighed heavily, blowing the bangs out of my eyes. "Fine." I could accept that but I didn't have to like it. I hate feeling helpless... I hate not being able to help my friends when they need me. But I had to admit to myself.. That what was bothering me most of all was that I didn't know what was going on with my own lover. That made me more frustrated than anything else did.

_________________

Wufei's POV

Winner grunted and stood up, I could tell from his posture just how tense he was. "I'm going for a walk." He announced, and strode quickly out of the room. I stared after him.

I really don't know when I started becoming so concerned about the other pilot's feelings, but now I seem to be worrying about them more than ever. At first when I met them, I thought of them as obstacles. They were not comrades; they were just people who were in my way. I have never been what you would call a team player because most times I really do prefer solitude. My first impressions of them were different, some good and some bad. I thought Quatre was too soft; too innocent and protected to ever be a good soldier. I really had no opinion of Trowa, but I did consider his brief Heero worship foolish. No pun intended. I thought Maxwell was a fool who did not take anything seriously and I respected Heero because I had the impression that he was a lot like myself. 

I was wrong and I can admit that. Quatre isn't a weakling, as I believed he was, Duo is anything but a fool and has proved on more than one occasion that he is a capable and efficient soldier. I have also come to realize that despite the fact that Heero is the 'Perfect Soldier', he is an empty shell or he makes himself appear to be that way. What kind of man takes a lover and then treats him like a nuisance whenever they are outside of the bedroom? He is a good soldier, yes. But there is life after the war and I wonder if he can survive without having a mission to accomplish. Can he think for himself or must he always rely on someone giving him orders? 

With those questions, come concerns. And because I am concerned for Heero of all people it proves that now, not only do I consider these men.. (Yes men. Not boys. We have all left childhood behind.) Not only my comrades and equals... but my friends. 

I stared at the tiny screen of my palm computer as these thoughts ran through my brain and I knew that they were all leading up to one thing, or one person. 

Duo.

Why is he so late, he should have been back days ago? Is he injured worse than what I saw? What had he been about to tell me? Is he mentally stable as well as physically? 

Questions, questions.. That's all I ever seem to be asking myself anymore. Questions that I don't have the answer for but I torture myself trying to figure out. However the one that is plaguing me the most is wondering what that one half a sentence that Duo had been about to blurt out was...

{"Trowa.. I lied about what happened.. He was drunk.. And he... he.. ra--"} 

That night after he left I had prayed to whatever God that is out there that he hadn't been about to say what I think he was. With that little confession everything can be shot to hell in a hand basket, because if Trowa had.... Raped him... Heero would kill him and I know that would lead to an entire bad chain of events.

One, we would be out of a pilot and we *need* all five of us to fight against the massive number of OZ forces. That could severely hinder our ability to carry out future missions and possibly ruin or diminish any chances we have of ending this war anytime soon. Two, after seeing Quatre's reaction to his father's death he might once again become unstable if he loses someone else he loves. This will lead to us losing another pilot and making our chances even smaller. Three, could possibly lead to a rapid decline in the stability of Duo's mental health. Although it would be a horrible and unforgivable thing if he had raped Duo.. It pales in comparison to us losing this war. It sounds insensitive but it's true. This is a delicate situation and the slightest fuck up could bring it to all to a head. Fuck up? I'm definitely spending too much time around Maxwell. Even as the thought crossed my mind, I couldn't help the fond smile that found it's way onto my lips at the thought of the tiny and sometimes vulgar pilot. 

Sighing, I stood up and stretched, muscles cramped and weary after sitting in the same position for a number of hours. I started towards the staircase and decided to go pay Heero a little visit. He hadn't been out of his room often in the last few days and I wanted to make sure that he was okay and that he wasn't plotting to kill Trowa.. Again.

________________

~Heero's POV~

ImissyouIneedyouImissyoucomebacktomedon'tleavemepleaseDuodon'tbehurttellmeconfideinmedon'tbehurtbeokaycomebackpleaseineedyouwhatdidhedotoyou?whatdidhedo?i'llkillhimi'llkillhimi'll

The sharp rap of knuckles on the door brought me out of my daze and I blinked, somewhat surprised at the block of text that glared back at me from my laptop. How had that gotten there? Oh.. I was typing what I was thinking again... that's been happening a lot lately.

"What?" I growled at the door, hoping that whoever it was would get the hint and go away.

"Don't you think it's time you came out of your room Yuy?" It was Wufei. Again.

"Go away." 

"Look there is nothing we can do until we find out exactly where Duo is so there is no point in you - "

"Go. Away."

"Don't make me break down the door Yuy."

I jumped to my feet so fast that the chair fell backwards as I crossed the room in two long strides. I yanked the door open and glowered at Wufei's impassive face. "What part of go away don't you understand?" I hissed in dangerous tones. 

He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Holing yourself up in here is not going to solve anything."

I smirked and leaned forward until we were almost touching. "Would you rather I go kill Barton?" 

Wufei's dark eyes narrowed. "You don't know what happened between them. Don't involve yourself."

"I know goddamn well what happened. He touched Duo. He *hurt* Duo." I hissed angrily, spitting in his face and not caring. 

He never flinched, but he did move closer. "If something else did happen, Duo is obviously covering it up for a reason. Don't. Involve. Yourself." 

"When Trowa put his hands on Duo he involved me." I said darkly.

"Because Duo is yours?"

"Damn right."

Wufei sneered and grabbed the front of my tank top. "You say Trowa hurt Duo... but what about you?"

I shoved him backwards, eyes flashing dangerously. "What about me?"

"You hurt him all the time Yuy."

"I would never--"

"You treat him like a sex toy. You make love with him then you ignore him, you insult his intelligence and constantly question is ability to complete the mission. You treat him like he's your personal whore." 

My fierce expression faltered.

{"What did you just say to me?" Duo demanded, his voice tight with barely controlled fury.  
  
I looked up at him with a dark glare. "What I said was... 'are you fucking someone else?'" 

Full red lips opened and closed for a moment, before he clenched his hands into fists, chin held up defiantly. "So what if I was." 

Those five words hit me harder than any punch ever could and all of a sudden I was gripped with uncontrollable jealousy and anger at the idea of someone else touching the beautiful boy that I had claimed as my own. I strode forward and yanked him up off his feet by the front of his shirt. "What. Did. You. Just. Say." I ground out each word through clenched teeth.   
  
"What I said was 'So what if I was.' It's none of your goddamn business who I fuck Yuy. Outside missions you barely talk to me unless you are screwing my brains out. I am not your personal whore. I can do what I want when I want, and I don't owe you not one fucking explanation. So piss off." He snarled at me angrily.

The words triggered me into a violent reaction and before I could stop myself, my fist was slamming into his jaw and he was flying backwards. I stared at him angrily. Angry because he had dared to imply he would touch someone else and angry with myself for having such a bad reaction. He stared at me with wide frightened eyes before quickly scrambling out of the room.} 

"Dammit." I whispered to myself and slumped against the doorframe, cursing myself angrily. "I don't mean to.. I.." I stopped and closed my eyes.

I felt a hand rest on my shoulder and I looked up to see Wufei's concerned gaze on me. "You what?" 

I took a deep breath and moved away from him, sitting on my bed and burying my face against the stiff flat pillow. "I.. don't mean to hurt him.. I just want to keep him safe. Keep him near me. I.. I care about him and I don't know how to show it but.. the idea of someone else putting their hands on him.." I shivered and closed my eyes, inhaling the fading scent of Duo's shampoo from my pillowcase. "The idea of it drives me crazy." 

"You could just tell him Heero. Tell him that you care, that you're here for him and that you are sorry for the way you make him feel. They may be just words but you might be surprised at how much those words can help." Wufei said softly. 

I said nothing for several moments, settling for staring at the off white wall. "I want to be alone."

"Alright. If you need anything.... just tell me and if I hear anything you'll be the first to know." I heard him close the door and I heard his footsteps as he made his way back downstairs. 

I got up off the bed and stared vacantly at my laptop. It was usually so helpful.. I did all my research there.. It was stable, reliable, and dependable. But now it couldn't even help me find the one thing that mattered more to me than anything else. The one thing that I took advantage of.. The one thing I abused. 

"DAMMIT!" I slammed my fist into the monitor and threw the useless black machine against the wall. "DAMN YOU!" I shouted at no one in particular and slammed my fist into the wall repeatedly, not even stopping when blood started to gush from my knuckles. "Damn you for making me care!" I began pummeling the wall with both fists, taking out all my frustration on the defenseless wall.

After awhile I dropped to the floor and buried my face in blood covered hands. "Fuck everything else... fuck Trowa... fuck the missions.. I don't care.. Just come back to me Duo. I'll make it up to you... just come back to me and be okay..." 

And then I did something completely foreign to me, something I had never done before.

I cried.

_  
_

**TBC**

I hope that was okay ^^;

  



	7. Part 6

Wow I got this out much faster this time. ^^; I'm getting better at this ne? This part is a little weird but... I think Duo has the right to go a little batty after all the shit he's had to put up with 

Title: Power Game

Author: Aya

Warnings: Violence, language, psycho Duo, back to Duo POV 

Extra Warnings: DISTURBED DUO AND SQUICKY VIOLENCE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. If you don't like lots of violent stuff, don't read this part, you will still be able to understand the rest of the fic. Don't come flaming to me later if you don't like this part, because you have been warned.

Ratings: This part NC-17 for violence and squick

Notes: Flashbacks are in {} and italics. 

Power Game Part 6

~OZ Base prison~

The bad part about being thrown in OZ prisons is that they are always really rancid smelling. I think that the soldiers make it a point to reserve the filthiest and darkest pit just for us Gundam pilots. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a little plaque on the door that said "Reserved for pilot 02". 

I don't mind though, considering the fact that as a kid I had gotten used to little dirty places. I reflected fondly of all the times that Solo, the gang and I had would be proud and triumphant at managing to get shelter in dark smelly basements or abandoned buildings. We didn't care what they looked like as long as they were away from the harsh streets outside. I guess being homeless and being a street brat for years has toughened me up. In some ways I am stronger inside than any of the other pilots could ever be. I know that if Quatre was stuck in a hole like this for as long as I have been in here he would be going nuts. But not me. I'm as calm as a kitten who just lapped up his fair share of milk because I'm used to filth. I never lived in the lap of luxury so I can't miss what I never had. 

I sat up from my hunched over position on the floor and in the back of my mind I heard Sister Helen's scolding voice saying that one day I would develop a hump and I wouldn't be the cute little charmer anymore. "Huh. Maybe then my own friends won't try to rape me." I muttered bitterly as I stood up and stretched out my aching protesting muscles. 

My internal clock told me that I had been stuck in this pitch black windowless cell for six days so far. I leaned against the wall and stared at the heavy metal door that was separating me from the outside world. Err.. well the outside base anyway. I had gone over the details of my failed mission over and over and every time I did I got angry. The whole thing had been a set up. I had approached the group of mobile dolls in full stealth mode, expecting it to be a easy mission and I had already been planning to go stay with the Sweepers for a little while after I was done but it had gone horribly wrong. As soon as I finished off the dozen or so brainless mecha, a whole battalion of mobile dolls caught me completely off guard. Before I could even retaliate my scythe was floating away from me, Deathscythe's left arm was a mess and everything was going to hell around me. It had definitely been a trap to lure in one of us and I had been so busy crying over my incident with Trowa that I hadn't even seen it. Maybe Heero was right, emotions were a liability. They made you weak, they damn sure made me weak. I shouldn't have trusted any of the other pilots, because if I hadn't I would not be so affected by what happened. 

I slumped back down the dirty floor when standing became too much of a chore. After I was captured the Ozzies had played the usual game of kick the Gundam pilot while he's down and did a real number on my ribs and ankle. I'm pretty sure that I had at least three broken ribs and my ankle was fractured, not to mention the numerous cuts and bruises that were all over me. "Everyone wants to beat up old Duo." I muttered to myself sourly. "Maybe I'm not as likable as I thought I was." 

Over the days as I sat in the dank, nasty cell I had started to reflect on my relationship with the other pilots. I realized that I have to start thinking more like a soldier and less like a civilian. Gundam Pilots didn't have friends. Gundam Pilots didn't need people. Gundam Pilots didn't cry when they got their feelings hurt. Gundam Pilots were the strong rebels who could take out entire bases of trained soldiers without so much as breaking a sweat. I'm a Gundam pilot and I'll be damned if I let anyone take me out of this war. The only way I'm going down is if I go down fighting and I would not let what happened with Trowa ever happen to me again. I will not trust anyone ever again. Heero is the Perfect Soldier and I'm the God of Death. "And it's about time I started living up to my name." I whispered fiercely to myself. 

As soon as the little declaration left my cracked and very dry lips the heavy door creaked open and the streaming light from the world beyond my cell left me flinching and covering my eyes. "Come back to kick me around? I swear you guys need a hobby." I croaked out, trying my hardest to act like I wasn't in pain from where they had kicked my ass before. I would not let OZ of all people think I am weak. 

"You need to learn how to shut your mouth little boy." My favorite tormenter, Blake(1) sneered in that nasal voice of his. He towered over me, trying to intimidate me with his greater height and weight. I saw that he had brought three friends with him this time, a young looking cadet, a older more seasoned looking man and a overweight man with more rolls on his gut then I cared to count. 

"I wasn't such a little boy when I was slicing and dicing Mobile Dolls and Leos out there earlier was I?" I countered with a little smirk. 

Blake's eyes widened angrily and before I even saw his leg extend, the steel toe of his boot was slamming into my face hard. I sprawled backwards, blood exploding from my throat and pain coursing through my body. 

"Blake! We aren't suppose to kill him, he's scheduled for execution and his excellency will not be pleased if he dies before then." The older man barked at the cocky younger soldier. 

Blake glared at him for a moment before a sly smile stole over his pompously handsome features. "Don't worry, I'm not going to kill this rebel piece of shit." He said and grabbed me by the bangs, lifting me up so that I was level with his face. I felt like passing out right there but something in his eyes made me alert and I knew I couldn't conk out now. No way no how. "But I have a much more pleasing way to pass the time." 

The older man sneered at Blake, his face twisted in contempt. "I will have no part of your sick games Blake, but do what you will." Then on that note he turned on his heel and marched away, closing the door shut behind him. 

In that moment the slam of the steel door had a certain finality to it and I have to say it spooked the shit out of me. Suddenly I wasn't at all sure of myself and I wasn't at all sure if I would ever make it out of this cell alive no matter what Blakey here said. Suddenly I found myself thinking that whatever Trowa had done to me in his drunken haze was ten times better than whatever this sick son of a bitch had planned. My eyes narrowed and I stared at the three remaining men in the room. 

Blake turned around and eyed them both in turn. "Now, who is going to be a pussy and follow Ramone... and who is going to be a man and take a piece of this ass with me." He narrowed his eyes peevishly when they hesitated. "Remember boys, this is the little bastard who killed hundreds of our men. So why not get a little pleasure at his expense?" Whatever hesitations they might have had died when those words left his mouth and they moved towards me eagerly. 

My brain was going into hyperactive overdrive and my heart felt like it would beat out of my chest any moment. //Notagainnotagainnotagainnowaynowaynoway.// The words repeated in my brain like my own little private mantra. Oh God. No. Not again. This was not happening to me again. No fucking way. I'd die first. Scratch that. They'll die. I'm the God of Death. I take life. I'll take theirs. 

A cool sort of calm settled over me and I experienced that strange out of body experience thing for the second time in a couple of weeks. The best way to explain it would be to say that it was like being a ghost or a spirit if you believe in those things. I was floating somewhere above my body, above the room; watching everything that was going on and not being able to do anything at all. I couldn't feel anything my body was experiencing and I couldn't touch anything. But this time I wasn't watching a drunken crazy Trowa ram his cock into my body, I was watching three horny, demented Ozzies prepare to gang bang me and the rage was a lot hotter and stronger this time. I wasn't in control anymore because the anger, the hatred, the bitter sweet taste for blood that lived inside of me and that I always pushed to the back of my brain was taking over. I was merely a spectator watching the game that Shinigami was now setting up for the three sick bitches that were getting their rocks off on watching me bleed.

I watched as my body shifted on the floor lazily, watching through half open eyes as the three men advanced on me with eager hungry expressions on their faces. I watched as my mouth turned up in a sexy grin that had the affect to melt the coldest ice bergs like Heero Yuy and still worked its magic when my face was bloody and bruised. I watched as they froze in place and stared at me in confusion and I heard my voice purr out in velvet tones: "Wouldn't it be a lot more fun if I was an active participant instead of a unruly prisoner?" 

I have to say that I'm surprised by the words that came out of my mouth and I wonder what I'm thinking. Blake stared at me in shock before his mouth curled up into a filthy grin. "I should have known a longhaired pretty boy like you would want to take it any way he can get it." 

The red headed fresh faced cadet looked at Blake nervously and squeeked out in tones that had obviously just reached puberty. "W..what if he's tricking us?" 

Ooh give that boy a gold star! He isn't as stupid as his superior officer here. Blake smirked cockily and stood in front of me, the bulge of his arousal evident under the tight cloth of his pants. "Oh no, I've seen sluts like this before. They'll spread their legs for anyone who will stick them and I'm not passing up that opportunity." He growled. 

I watched as my body smirked at them and marveled at how I was moving around as though three of my ribs were not cracked. I noted the deranged sparkle that was evident in my eyes and my gut tightened as I waited anxiously to see how my more twisted and devious side would play this out. How that side of me would execute these three men. I watched as my small slender hand cupped his arousal and began to kneed it slowly, rising up on my knees to get better access to the man's groin. As soon as my hand was touching his flesh, I was back in my body and experiencing everything first hand. 

"Oh..yeah.." Blake hissed, dropping his head back and groaning as I began to unzip his crisp slacks. The other two stared with fascination, probably getting off on watching me give their superior the best hand job that he probably ever had in his soon to be very short life. 

"You like that huh?" I growled dangerously, baring my teeth in a feral grin.

"Shit yeah, harder you little bastard." He moaned as his hips began to buck into the warm tunnel my hand provided for him. The fat soldier suppressed a groan and reached down to fondle his own privates through his pants. The cadet watched with avid interest, beads of sweat rolling down his narrow face. 

"See that? I can give you pleasure.." I said with a dark chuckle as I began moving my hand harder and faster over his wet cock. He cried out in ecstasy and the sound triggered something in the back of my brain. 

{"Ahh Duo... yess!!" Trowa cried out as he emptied his seed deep inside me, then with one last inarticulate scream he pulled out of my torn abused body.}

My evil smirk turned down into an ugly frown and I knew my face was contorted into a perfectly hideous expression when I caught sight of the cadet's shocked and alarmed face. "And I can give you pain." I hissed hatefully and with one sharp violent tug, I had his cock twisted into a hideously unnatural angle. 

Blake shrieked loudly, his voice several octaves higher than normal; tears welling in his shocked confused eyes. "You son of a bitch!" He screamed. 

I wrenched the length of flesh viciously until I heard a satisfying crack and soon he was nothing but a quivering mass of horrified flesh on the floor. His screams pierced the silence that accompanied the stunned looks that were on the two other soldier's faces. "Was it good for you?" I snarled at him and jumped to my feet, not even wincing at the pressure that I was putting on my bad ankle. 

"Get him!" The fat man shouted at the cadet and I watched in amusement as the red head fumbled with his gun.

"Get me? Are you sure you want to do that?" My voice was nothing but a dark whisper as I moved faster than anything they had ever seen as I grabbed the cadet up by his neck, closing my hand around it with inhuman strength. "Still want to get me? Still want to fuck me?" I laughed insanely as he shook his head, wide terrified eyes pleading with the other soldier to do something. I saw out of the corner of my eye that he actually was charging me and in one quick movement I was aiming the red head's pistol at the chubby man and releasing two bullets into both of his feet. As he screamed in agony I laughed in merriment and tightened my grip around the young boy's neck. I noticed with the disgust that tears were seeping from his eyes. 

"Crying? Are you fucking CRYING? Soldiers don't cry you pussy." I snarled, slamming his head against the hard brick wall. "SOLDIERS DO NOT CRY! DO YOU HEAR ME?" 

"Get off me you fucking psycho!" He screamed as he clawed at my hands with his fingers. 

"Psycho? I wasn't a psycho when you and Blakey were planning to have your way with me was I?" I hissed, spitting in his face and not caring.

"I swear to God I wasn't going to do it! I swear on my mother's grave!" He sobbed pathetically as I smirked and yanked his hunting knife out of the sheathe on his boot. "You swear on your mother's grave? Tsk tsk that will never do. See I never had a mother and you should not disrespect yours." I said casually. I held the knife poised over one of his eyes and laughed maniacally when they widened to an almost comical size. 

"God please don---" 

The rest of his plea was cut off as the jagged edge of the knife was buried in one of his frantic green eyes. "I warned you." I murmured softly, yanking the knife out and repeating the process on his other eye. "Don't fuck with the God of Death. Never...Again." I yanked the knife out of his eye and stared with grim satisfaction at the mess I had made of his pretty face. 

"..my god..." A voice whined behind me and I smirked, still dangling the cadet's corpse from my iron grip as I turned to look at the large man. His eyes were widened, pupils dilated as he stared at me in horrific silence. His body was slumped against the wall as he lay pathetically on the floor, slowly bleeding to death. 

"Everyone is so religious when they are about to die. Why is that?" I asked conversationally as I finished the dead man off with a clean swift slice across his neck. "One minute you are about to commit a sin that would surely send you to hell and the next you are begging to God for him to save you. How hypocritical." I said with a mad grin as I dropped the body and strode forward towards him. By now my face and torn shirt were covered in blood but I was far from caring. The soldier shuffled backwards, trying desperately to call out for someone to help but only making gasping sputtering sounds. 

"Here.. piggy piggy piggy."(2) I cooed as he tried to scramble away. 

"He should have fucked you raw until you bled!" He shouted at me.

I paused in my stalking and stared at him. "Wrong this to say." I said flatly, and then I pounced on him. 

The next several moments passed filled with gurgled screams and breathless pants as I tore him to pieces. I sliced his balls off with the hunting knife, ripped his throat out with my bare teeth, not even stopping when I had ripped open his jugular. I lapped at the blood that poured from his neck like an animal, all the while twisting the knife in his gut. He had long since stopped moving but that I did not stop me as I continued to stab him again and again in the chest until it resembled raw meat. "Never again." I chanted as I butchered him. "No one will ever hurt me again!" My primal scream echoed off the walls and I collapsed on top of his mutilated body. 

I think I had blacked out for several minutes and when I came to.. I came to my senses also. I took in the carnage that lay all over the room and I realized with horror that I had done it. I sagged against the man's body and took in several shaky breaths, trying to gather my wits so that I could form some sort of escape plan. I closed my eyes and swallowed the sob that was threatening to spill out of my mouth. As satisfied as I felt at being able to protect myself.. at being able to stop that brutality from happening to me again.. I was disgusted that I had slaughtered these men like that. I was numb as I sat there covered in blood, staring with morbid fascination at the mess I had made. I swore to myself right then.. that I would never let the other pilots see that side of me and I hoped to God none of them were ever the cause of it coming out. Even Trowa as much as I hate him right now. 

"Get it together Maxwell, this is not the time to mourn dead Ozzies that you murdered. Get the fuck out of here and get to Howard." I hissed to myself. I got to my feet shakily and began gathering weapons, keys and various other things form their bodies. It was then that I realized that Blake was still alive and I couldn't help but smirk as I stared at his purple, swollen and very broken penis. He was staring at me with huge eyes, probably in shock. I raised the gun that I now had, and prepared to put him out of his misery but part of my brain hissed at me that I was killing in cold blood... I was becoming a monster and I hesitated, the gun wavering. I saw the hope glimmering in his eyes and the dark side of me whispered that I was already a monster.. I had mutilated two men already. Why not kill the one who had started it all? My eyes narrowed and I tried to walk away.. I really did.. but Blake's earlier words came back to me.

{"Oh no, I've seen sluts like this before. They'll spread their legs for anyone who will stick them and I'm not passing up that opportunity."}

My lip curled in a sneer and my grip on the gun steadied. "I'm nobodies slut." I whispered before I aimed at his head. "And I never will be..." 

I started to pull the trigger, but then I saw that pleading, frightened look in his eyes. It reminded me of a time a long time ago when I lived on the street and I saw a kid get raped by two L2 cops. He looked at them with that same expression and they showed him no mercy. If I were to shoot him now, I would be no better than them. I would be no better than Trowa or Blake. 

I took a deep shaky breath and turned my back on him, clutching the gun with a white knuckled grip. I had done enough today, I had killed enough... I had let the anger and the hate take over for that short amount of time and I have to get out before I let it control me completely. 

"Murderer! ...all of you... murderers.." Blake croaked as I stalked out, holding out incredibly well considering I was in a great deal of pain. I winced at his words but exited the cell; leaving my would be rapists behind. 

TBC

AN - Ok. That disturbed even me and I wrote it. -_-;; Don't worry Duo isn't crazy and psychotic for the rest of the fic, he just was in this part. Well.. I just figured he deserved to left off a little.. err.. steam.. after what happened. *shrug* 

1 - Blake is a character that I wrote after my ex.. *cough*


	8. Part 7

Title: Power Game

Author: Aya

Warnings: Language, Duo's POV, lemon (not real lemon.. flashback lemon...) Weird sexual content

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: 1x2 3x2

Notes: flashbacks in {} and italics

More Notes: Once again. It's a **flashback** sex scene.

Power Game Part 7

The last several hours have gone by in a blur and all I can do is lay here and reflect as the morphine kicks in and leaves me drifting somewhere between consciousness and dream world. I remember leaving the cell after executing the soldiers that tried to rape me. I moved swiftly, quietly and as deadly as a rattle snake through the base. The soldiers never knew what hit them because the last thing they were expecting was an already beat up Gundam Pilot, coming back for more and this time being armed with enough ammo to destroy a good part of the base. 

I took out anyone who was stupid enough to get between me and Deathscythe Hell, and threw enough grenades to wreck a lot of big corridors and security coded doors. Now that I think back on it I wonder how I did all that damage by myself and with all of the injuries that I had already had. Don't get me wrong, I'm not Superman and I didn't get out of there unscathed but it's still pretty damn weird that I had been on some kind of Perfect Soldier kick. 

By the time I did get to my partner who was standing strong inside of the smoky hangar like some kind of dark sentinel; I had a couple of more busted ribs, a dislocated shoulder and enough lacerations to give me that light headed I'm bleeding half to death feeling. I had fumbled around until I entered my destination, passed out and woke up in here. I don't know if I made it out of the cockpit on my own or if Howard hacked my security code and dragged me out. Whatever the case was, somehow I ended up in here on what felt like a little cot... hooked up to beeping machines. 

I tried to open my eyes but for some reason I can't move my body. Maybe I'm dead... No that's stupid. Dead people can't hear the annoying beep of hospital machines. Unless they are in hell and that's their eternal damnation or something... 

I tried to wake myself a few more times before darkness enveloped me and I fell deeply into a drug induced sleep.

****

{"Why can't you take anything seriously? You act like everything is a fucking joke!" Heero shouted at me angrily.}

What was this..? A dream? A memory...? Oh yeah... that time.. Heero and I.. the first time we... 

{I stood up and faced him defiantly. "Get out of my face Yuy, I don't take orders from G and I sure as hell don't take orders from you, so stop acting like you're my superior officer." I smirked at the look on his face and turned my back on him. I almost expected the hand that yanked me backwards and around, forcing me to face him. 

"You are a good pilot Maxwell. I admit that, but your fucking attitude --" He yanked me up by my priest collar and glared at me. "--Makes you a liability." He sneered as the words fell from his lips and shoved me down to the floor.}

If I'm dreaming.. of a memory.. why do I feel like I'm not in the dream..? Weird.. maybe it's the morphine.. I hate drugs..

{"My attitude? Ha! Fuck you Yuy! You say I stand out but when we go undercover at a school you're the one who sticks out like a sore thumb. You're the one blowing your cover in front of the Bubble Gum Princess and letting her follow you around. You're the one who jumped the gun and completely fucked up at New Edwards." I yelled back}

Whoa.. I don't remember saying that.. low blow Maxwell.. no wonder he got so mad... 

{He looked so angry that I felt like backing up but I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I feared him. "I screwed up, I know I did. But you parade around like a fool with that ridiculous braid of yours. Maybe I should just fucking cut it off." He sneered and actually had the nerve to yank me up by the hair and whip out a knife from God knows where. 

My eyes widened and I'm sure I looked completely horrified because he actually faltered. "Get the fuck off me!" I shouted and swung at him hard, my fist connecting with his jaw in a satisfying crack.

Blue eyes narrowed and he didn't even wince before he advanced on me. I scrambled out of the way just in time to dodge the right hook he swung at me, but once again he yanked me by the end of my braid and I fell backwards, both of us landing on the floor in a heap. "You fucking asshole get off me!" I shouted as he pinned me to the floor and punched me hard. 

I wiggled frantically, trying to get him off me and succeeded in getting my leg up enough to push him off me with the sole of my boot. Heero fell on his back with a grunt, and immediately I tried to get in a punch but he grabbed my wrist and body slammed me, leaving me once again on my back. I was pissed off and angry and all I wanted to do was kick the shit out of him for thinking he could push me around but before I knew what was happening he was pinning me to the floor again with his powerful body and the friction that his crotch pressed against mine was causing.. made other body parts react.}

I don't want to see this.. not now... that's the last thing I want to remember...

{A groan fell from my lips before I could stop it and my poor confused body reacted to his proximity in a very.. annoying and embarrassing way. Before I could push him off me, I was almost fully erect and I was cursing my hormones to hell as he stared at me in shock. 

"G..get off me Heero." I rasped. 

His eyes narrowed and his lips curved in an infuriating smirk as he realized my predicament. Instead of getting up, he began rocking his hips against mine harder.}

I wonder... if he ever really wanted me.. or if he just wanted to control me.. He knew I would never obey him if he gave me orders... so he thought he could control me with sex... is that what it is..? Why we became lovers..? It was just.. a power game the whole time..

{I moaned and thrust my hips against his, not really caring about the fight anymore. I gazed up at him and saw that his eyes were narrowed and that they were filled with a very.. obvious emotion. Lust. I felt his erection poking through his shorts and he began moving against me almost violently.

"Fuck.. Heero.. God.. " I whimpered as our erections rubbed together, creating a delicious sensation. 

He pressed his body flush against mine and covered my lips with his, kissing me hungrily as if he couldn't go without. "Duo.." He moaned wetly into my mouth as he slipped his tongue inside. I felt his hands yanking clumsily at my clothes, all the while thrusting into my pelvis.} 

God no.. go away! I don't want to see this! They use me all of them.. I'm nothing to any of them... Trowa.. Heero.. they never respected me... only thought I was a way to relieve stress.. even Wufei and Quatre... I'm nothing to them.. nothing...

{He managed to get all of my layers of clothes off and pretty soon we were both naked and humping each other urgently. 

"Oh.. Touch me.." I whined softly, spreading my legs to give his wandering hands better access to my crotch. "Heero.. oh God.." I hadn't felt this good in... forever. As much as I resented Heero for his condescending attitude towards me.. I had to admit that I was always attracted to the bastard. 

"I want you." He ground out from between clenched teeth, and it was then that I first felt the head of his erection pressing against my opening. "I want you.. so bad" He growled, panting harshly and looking as though he would explode if he didn't get release soon.}

Would he have... gone ahead and fucked me if I said no..? If I wasn't so willing... if I didn't spread my legs so easy...? Would he have raped me too..? I wouldn't have been able to stop him... Heero can bend iron.. he could break me.. Would he have..? Like Trowa.. but Trowa was drunk... But he still... he still...

{A low sob escaped my throat as the thick head of his cock pushed into me, and I clutched his shoulders at the intense pain of being speared open. "Heero... it hurts!" I cried out against his shoulder, and tears threatened to leak from my eyes. God.. it hurt.. just like before.. "Make me feel good damn you!" I hissed from between clenched teeth. 

Heero kissed me hard, as if to block out the sounds of my pained gasps as he thrust inside me fully. After awhile he began rocking in a rhythm that hit something inside me with every thrust.. something that made me beg for more.. harder and faster.} 

NO! I don't want to see this! I don't want to see this! Wake up! Go away damn you! 

{Heero cried out and I arched up into him desperately, wanting to feel all of him inside me. His moans grew more frantic.. but suddenly...}

..What's this..?

{Heero's voice was lower..}

That didn't happen...

{I looked up and a scream welled up in my throat.}

Jesus.. no.. please.. someone wake me up... please

{Suddenly... there was no carpet under me.. and I didn't feel that euphoric pleasure anymore.. Everything was replaced by mind numbing pain and Trowa was thrusting into me brutally.} 

please.. someone wake me up.. I don't want to see anymore.... 

{"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!" I screamed hysterically as I tried with all my strength to escape his vice like grip. I was being torn in two.. God it hurt so bad..}

GO AWAY GODAMNIT I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYMORE!!

{I swung at him hard with one clawed hand and he looked down at me calmly as he stilled his thrusts.

"He's having a nightmare."

I blinked at him. What the fuck?}

What the fuck??

****

"Why the hell is he whimpering like that? Sally do something!" 

I'm not dreaming anymore but I can't open my eyes. The horrible images aren't playing out anymore.. but yet I'm not awake. God.. I really hate drugs. Whose voice is that..?

"I think he's having a nightmare, there's nothing I can do. He's already on too much medication to be given a sedative." A female voice snapped at the male irritably. 

"Damnit we can't just leave him like that! He's in pain!" The first voice said again angrily.

"Sssh Wufei, he's calming down." A soothing voice said softly and I felt a cool hand smoothing away my sweaty bangs. "It's okay Duo, no one will hurt you here." 

Quatre? It must be.. 

"How badly is he injured?" 

Heero's voice. They're all here? Even Trowa? Heh. So much for no one hurting me here.. poor little Quatre. How can I hurt him by telling him the truth..? He'll be so heartbroken..

"--- Lacerations all over his body ---"

Woops, I missed something.

"--- He's had severe head trauma, I'm not exactly sure what happened but he's in a coma for now.."

"Coma? Fuck."

Coma? Maybe that's what this weird thing is. I can hear everyone but I can't open my eyes. I can't respond physically.. or move.. but I'm conscious? Does that make sense? I heard about that before.. in a movie I think..

"Will he.. is he..?"

I've never heard Heero sound so.. scared. 

"He can wake up any day, or any week.. I'm not certain of that, but he is safe here with me."

I am? She sounds familiar. Sally.. Po? Yeah that's her name. I wonder where Howard is.. I hope Trowa isn't here.. that dream was so.. No.. I won't think about it..

"There is something I think I should tell you." Sally's voice came out strained.

"What is it?" Heero demanded sharply. 

"I think he may have been sexually assaulted while in jail."

Hel-lo! How the hell...? Where did she get that from?

"Are you certain?" Wufei's sounded pissed. Really pissed.

"There is no actual DNA to prove it, but judging by the number of hand sized bruises around his inner thighs.. and the ----"

I blocked out the rest of her little report and cursed every female doctor I could think of. Why did she have to say that..? Why couldn't she just shut the fuck up? Damnit..

"But you're not certain?" Quatre asked, he sounded choked up.

"No."

I'm glad I can't wake up now.. I'd hate to see the pity on Quatre's face...

"---leave him to rest. He could wake up anytime and he needs to recuperate." She said, and I heard footsteps moving away from me.

Shit... what am I going to say now?

"Duo.."

Heero?

"Duo.. come back to me.."

His warm hand caressed my face gently for a moment, and he pressed a chaste kiss against my forehead before he hastily walked out of the room. 

I fell into a dreamless oblivion pondering over that action...

TBC

AN - Yes. I know that was weird. Yes. I know I am weird. *twiddles thumbs* Wasn't too confusing was it? ^^; *hides behind weird angst muse* 


	9. Finale

Title: Power Game

Author: Aya

Warnings: Angst, Shounen Ai, Duo's POV, Language

Pairings: 1+2

Notes: I probably wouldn't have gotten these last couple of parts out so fast if it wasn't for Sunhawk. grin She really helped me out because I had been in a real jam as to where this fic was going! Welp this is the end, read on folks. ^_^

Part Eight ~ Finale 

It was days later when I came out of my semi conscious state and opened my eyes to the rest of the world. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was Heero's slack face, which was right next to mine. It took me a moment to figure out that he had fallen asleep next to me in the small bed. It was obvious that he had been watching me as I 'slept' and I wondered if the words which had been floating around in my head for the last few days had actually come from his mouth. It was possible that I had been hearing him as he spoke to me but it wasn't likely. Heero Yuy wasn't the type to get emotional, even when his lover is lying half-dead. Or at least he doesn't seem to be.. He can be so full of surprises at times. 

I studied his face silently and saw that his brows were creased together in a frown even during sleep. There were dark circles shadowing his eyes and his hair looked more unkempt than usual. Maybe he was worried after all; not that it would make much of a difference. I know where I stand with him. I know where I stand with all of them now. I sighed and shifted in the bed, anxious to get out of the stuffy room and into a shower where I could wash the scent of death and blood from my body. 

As soon as I moved, Heero's eyes snapped open and he stared at me in something akin to surprise. "Duo.." 

"Heero." I returned shortly and he actually flinched at the cold tone of my voice. 

He opened and closed his mouth before settling on a frown. "How do you feel?" 

"Fine." It was a lie, but I had already done enough of that to not feel guilty about it anymore. "I want to get out of here." 

He made no to move to get up and when I tried to, he held me in place with one of his strong arms. "Sally should check you out first. She might want to ask you some.. things." He hesitated and I knew he was trying to hold back. He didn't want me to know what Sally had told them for some reason. 

"I don't want that nosy bitch putting her goddamn hands on me." I hissed angrily before I could stop myself. She had no right to tell them anything before she discussed it with me first. She had no business telling them about what could have or might have happened before she knew all the goddamn facts. 

The surprise was clear on his face now and his brow puckered. "What is the matter with you?" 

"What do you care?" I shot back, pulling away from the loose embrace he had had me in and trying to sit up. 

"I do.. care." He stumbled over the words and for a minute he had the most vulnerable look in his eyes that my hostility wavered. I thought about forcing a smile for him and putting on my old cheerful mask.. But the thought fled my mind as fast as it had come. I didn't have it in me to do that anymore. I was jaded in more ways than one and I didn't feel the need to make anyone happy anymore. Everything was different now. I was different now. I could feel it. I gave him what I knew was an unreadable look and carefully stood up on my injured ankle. "How sweet of you." I said flatly. 

I saw his hands clench into fists out of the corner of my eye and he had that injured look on his face again. I was hurting his feelings. At that realization I looked him directly in the eye and saw that his lips were pursed together in a tight line and that he looked absolutely stricken. It was so shocking that he was actually showing some emotion and that he was so obviously hurt by my shun that I did apologize this time. "I'm sorry. I'm.. Not myself Heero." I mumbled softly, dropping my eyes. 

I heard his soft sigh and before I could take another step, he was there holding me up and steadying me as I stumbled. "Take it easy." He ordered softly.

I allowed him to handle me as if I was a delicate porcelain doll only because I really did feel awful and I wasn't running around on my ankle anytime soon. He helped me strip off the God awful paper gown someone had put me in and he covered my pale bruised body with over sized clothes that obviously did not belong to me. I didn't mind though, at least they were comfortable. Usually when one of us was injured and we cleaned each other up, we wound up engaging in some kind of sexual activity. I was extremely glad that he wasn't trying to get up on me at the moment because there would be no sexual activities between anyone and myself any time soon and I didn't feel like having to explain why. I was glad that he had already figured that much himself. Maybe he wasn't such an asshole after all. 

"Are you sure you don't want to let Sally check you out?" Heero asked as I leaned on him and we made our way outside the room. 

"I don't need some woman poking at me and making bogus diagnoses." I snapped more harshly than I had intended to. 

His lip quirked and he looked almost amused. "Now you sound like Wufei." 

I grunted and raked a hand through my gross grimy hair and made a disgusted face. I would have to somehow wash it when we got back to the safe house. As we moved at a snails pace, somewhere along the line he tried to just say 'fuck it' and carry me, but I wouldn't allow it. I didn't want anyone coddling me or treating me like a child. I didn't want anyone's pity. The look on both of our faces prevented anyone from trying to stop us as we left the small medical facility and I noticed with some relief that Sally was not even here. 

Heero carefully put me in a small car that was probably stolen and the drive to the house was basically silent. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep so that he wouldn't ask me any questions and I know he was just dying to know exactly what had happened. 

Meanwhile my brain was floundering for a Trowa solution but I just didn't know how to handle it. Do I hate him? The answer is yes, I do. I hate him for using me and my body. I hate him for treating me like a whore. I hate him for thinking he has the right to violate me. And most of all I hate him for not remembering and making this all the more harder on me. Should he die for what he did? No. I know he shouldn't. All of us kill hundreds of men every time we battle. Men with families, men with wives and people who love them. We hurt so many people even when it is unintentional and we really are murderers when it comes down to it. If Trowa deserves to die for what was really a drunken terrible mistake, all of us deserve to die ten times over for committing the biggest sin of all. Murder. 

I could sit here and debate the subject with myself for hours and the answer would still be the same. If I didn't go with the moral reason I would go with the logical reason. Killing Trowa would severely minimize the chances we have of ending this war. We need five pilots and four probably would not cut it. 

I know what I can't do, and now the only problem is figuring out what I should do. Damnit. Nothing is ever easy.

***

Upon getting back to the safe house, I had done a half-assed job of washing myself, took some painkillers and fell into a deep sleep. All of the other pilots had apparently been on a mission at the time so I didn't have to face the pitying looks and questions just yet. Heero for the most part didn't press me for answers and was really supportive which made it difficult for me to continue acting cold towards him. 

Every time I snapped at him, Heero just gave me a patient look and waited for my temper to cool. It was a far cry from the way he usually treated me and it confused me. He was finally doing what I had always wanted him to. Showing his feelings and actually letting me know that he cares about me in some way besides a sexual one. It's a shame that he waited until I got raped to do so, because I don't think I will be acting like a lover any time soon. I still think he doesn't respect me and I still resent him for treating me like an object, but I can't hold it against him now that he is trying so hard to repent. 

It was two days later when I finally faced Trowa. At the time I was sitting in the small kitchen eating a bowl of soup and still trying to figure out how I should handle everything. When I saw him sit on the stool opposite of me my fingers clenched on the spoon so hard it bent slightly. 

"How are you feeling?" He sounded genuinely concerned, but there was something weird about his voice. 

I looked up at him and pushed the bowl away, I didn't feel like eating anymore. "Better," I said in a clipped tone, looking away from him and studying the faded wallpaper. This was it; I had to do it now. The other pilots were nowhere around and this was my chance to confront him. 

"Duo I-- I don't know exactly what is going on anymore.." His voice trailed off and when I looked into his eyes again I saw that there was a pained expression on his face. "That night.. I get the feeling that something bad happened between us.. I don't know what to think Duo."

"I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time with it Trowa. Excuse me for not giving fuck." I clenched my hands and stared at the wall again. 

"I'm not asking for sympathy. I just want to know what happened! I have a right to know! I have these dreams.. These visions that are terrible! I don't know what is real or what is just my imagination anymore! I feel guilty about something I'm not even sure happened," He blurted out miserably and I marveled at the fact that he had said so much at one time.

"And what happens in these dreams of yours?" I kept my tone neutral despite the anger that was building up in the pit of my stomach. 

Emerald green eyes flinched away from my cold stare and he swallowed convulsively. Instead of answering my question he closed his eyes, and when he reopened them he had a weary look in his eyes. It reminded me of the jaded expression that haunted my face. "When I was a boy I traveled with a group of mercenaries," He started softly.

My eyes narrowed and I fought the urge to snap at him that I could care less about his little child hood anecdotes. Instead, I listened mildly curious to what he had to say. 

"I traveled with them and they treated me like I was their family. In many ways.. They were the only family I ever knew so I was grateful. I trusted them all.." He continued a haunted look ghosted across his elegant features. "There was a man named Staccato who was part of the team. For a time him and I were very close... very close and I loved him like an uncle or even a father." His voice took on the monotone that I was so used to hearing from Heero. "One day.. We were alone and he violated my trust and me. He did.. Horrible things to me. He---" 

"Raped you," I filled in.

Trowa nodded slightly and he pulled at the collar of his shirt. "After that, I swore to myself that I would never let it happen ever again. I swore to myself that I would never hurt another person that way.. And if I did I would kill myself. I swore to myself.. but.. I dream that I did it to you." His voice cracked on the last sentence and he met my eyes, his were red with unshed tears. 

I stared at him for a moment before leaning forward so that our noses almost touched. "It wasn't any OZ soldiers that raped me," I hissed, staring at him hard; daring him to look away. 

For a minute he stared at me blankly, but then understanding and horror washed over him. His lower lip trembled and he jerked away from me. "Oh God.." He hissed and closed his eyes tightly. "The dreams.. They were memories." 

"You fucked me and you liked it. You didn't stop when I begged.. You didn't stop even when I cried. Is that how you fuck Quatre?" I demanded in a low hateful voice. 

His pupils were dilated and the anguish was clear on his face. Without warning he yanked a gun from the back of his jeans and shoved it in his mouth, all the while staring at me with a remorseful but appalled look in his eyes. 

"Go ahead," I said flatly. "Kill yourself. Pull the trigger and let your brains splatter all over the wall behind you. You probably deserve it." 

He pulled back the safety and a single tear slid down his face.

"Kill yourself you selfish bastard. You can't live with yourself knowing what you did so you want to take the easy way out and have a nice dark oblivion with no memories and no guilt," I went on in the same monotone. 

Another tear joined the first one and they mingled together at the bridge of his nose. 

"I wonder what would happen if you shot yourself now. It wouldn't change anything for me.. I would still feel dirty all the time. I would still dream about you shoving your cock inside my torn bleeding body." I was amazed that my voice was as steady as it sounded because any minute I felt as though I would lose it. "But I guess I don't matter just like I didn't matter that night. As long as you get what you want." 

A shuddering muffled gasp came from his throat and he clutched the gun tightly.

"Do you know what would happen if you killed yourself now Trowa?" I demanded hotly, not even expecting an answer. "Quatre.. your poor sweet little angel. He would be overwhelmed with grief. He would want to hate you .. Knowing what you did but he would still love you no matter what has happened. He would become a liability to the rest of us. Reckless in battle, maybe even reckless with his life. Hell, he might even go Zero System loony again because he lost yet another loved one," I rattled off heartlessly, loving the agonized look in his eyes. "Or maybe he wouldn't completely lose control.. Maybe he would instead become resentful towards me. Maybe he would blame me. So then I become the bad guy instead of the victim." 

More tears made their way down his pale cheeks and a muffled sob escaped his throat; finger still poised over the trigger. 

"Or let's just say nothing happens to the love of your life at all. Let's say he doesn't give a shit if you die because you're nothing but a rapist," I said cruelly with an evil smirk. "Let's say instead that we all go on fighting and forget you were a part of our team. Then let's say that since we were already outnumbered against OZ, without you.. we started losing and failing more missions. Let's say just as a theory... that one by one we are weakened and one by one.. We self-destruct or are killed by the enemy. Or maybe since it's just the four of us, sometimes there will be solo missions that shouldn't have been and one of us will get captured and raped or abused by OZ soldiers. Let's say that for arguments sake, your death triggers our deaths and OZ will control the world until a new tyrant comes along." 

His eyes widened and if it were possible he probably would have looked even more horrified than he already was. 

"So go ahead Trowa. Kill yourself. That stuff might not happen.. but there is a chance. So go ahead and kill yourself.. Just so you can be at peace with your horrible drunken error. Just so your mind can be at ease."

The gun clattered to the floor and the taller boy hunched over as he sobbed silently. "What do you want me to do Duo? Please.. just tell me what you want me to do!" He choked out miserably. 

I sneered at him. "I don't want you to do a goddamn thing. You have done enough." 

"I would never hurt you that way on purpose! I would never do it I swear to you!" 

"You seem to swear to people a lot and so far it hasn't changed anything. It happened and nothing is going to change it. If you do want to do something for me.. never talk about this again. Do not bring it up to me. Do not ask me to forgive you because I never will. Everything is different now," I said softly. "Everything." 

He looked at me from red teary eyes. "You hate me." It was more of a statement than a question.

"I think you know the answer to that," I returned coldly. 

Trowa took a deep shuddering breath and wiped a hand across his face. "I'm so sorry Duo.. I don't expect you to forgive me. I'll never forgive myself..." His voice trailed off and he stared at me with vacant dead eyes. 

"The others don't need to know," I said, unmoved by his apology. 

His thin brows drew together. "But Quatre.. he deserves to know.. I couldn't possibly.."

"Quatre loves you," I hissed at him from between clenched teeth. "He believes you are good, clean and worthy of his love. He was already a total sweetheart but you put that extra sparkle in his eyes. Your relationship makes him fucking smile. I won't be responsible for taking it away. So he doesn't. Need. To. Know." 

"I can't do that Duo, Quatre.. he'll know something is wrong. His space heart will tell him even if I don't!" He tried to protest. 

My lips curled back in a snarl and I grabbed the front of his shirt. "You better damn well fucking try. You are not important, this isn't about what you don't want to do. Make it happen."

"He'll know," Trowa insisted.

"Make it happen," I hissed, glaring at him for all I was worth. 

He stared at me for a moment, before sagging in resignation. "I'll try.."

I released him and slumped down on the stool, feeling drained from the conversation. 

"Please go away now," I whispered.

"Duo -- " He reached out to touch my arm, but I jerked away violently. 

"Don't touch me!" 

He halted the action abruptly and let out a shuddering sigh, his face completely drained of color. "I'm sorry... so sorry..." Trowa choked out before stumbling out of the room, face ashen and pinched. 

I put my head in my heads and took deep shaky breaths. I was proud of myself, proud that I had handled the situation so well. Proud that I had looked him in the eye and didn't break down once. I was right when I told him that nothing would be the same. It couldn't.. I was different. My perspective on things was different. Everything.. Was different. 

"Duo?"

I gasped and looked up. "How long have you been standing there?" 

Wufei shrugged and sat down in the seat Trowa had just vacated. I could tell by the infuriated look in his eyes that he had heard everything; but he remained cool. "Long enough." We stared at each other for a while and he broke the silence first. "Are you sure this is what you want? He should be punished." 

I barked out a short ugly laugh. "He should be punished? We all should be punished Wufei - this doesn't make him any worse than we are. We kill people every day so we are the last people who can decide what is just and what is not." I spat.

He winced and looked away. I knew he was thinking of Lake Victoria and the young recruits that had died there as a result of bombs planted by him. "You are right. I have no right to play judge and jury.. I am as wicked as anyone," He said softly. 

"He cracked just like Quatre did when his father died. He lost control and did something horrible. It was at my expense and I hate him for it. I hate him for making me feel this way and making me.." I cleared my throat and pushed that line of thought away. "Anyway.. I meant it when I said they don't need to know. Quatre or Heero. I mean it Wufei, you promised that anything I told you would remain confidential."

"Of course. If you are sure." Wufei said with a nod. 

"I'm very sure. Now if you'll excuse me I am going to go try to comb my hair." I started to get up but he grabbed my hand and squeezed it hard. I looked into his obsidian eyes and was shocked to see the admiration there.

"You are stronger than all of us Duo. I hope this doesn't change the Duo Maxwell I have come to respect and care for." 

Our eyes locked and I gave him a brief genuine smile. "Thanks Wufei.."

I made my way upstairs slowly, ignoring Trowa, as he lay curled up on the sofa. He was suffering. Good. Let him. He deserves it. I hobbled into my room; favoring my ankle and collapsing on the bed in an exhausted heap as soon as I was close enough. "Shit this isn't going to be easy." I murmured. I would probably have to take myself off active duty until it was healed and I hated the idea of sitting around, stewing with nothing to occupy my time. 

"You should have called me down, I would have helped." Heero chastised as he leaned against the frame of my door. I hadn't even heard him come in.

I ignored him for a moment and caught my breath, sitting up and slowly untangling my braid. "How nice of you."

The Japanese pilot sighed and sat down beside me. "What happened to Trowa?" His eyes narrowed and he seemed to remember what had started this whole mess to begin with.

"Don't even go there Heero. Just drop it. Doesn't matter anymore." And it didn't. I wasn't going to drag anything out or dwell on it. 

He relaxed next to me and took over the process of carefully untangling my hair. I felt his fingers caress my neck softly as he reached for the brush that I kept on the bedside table. "Heero.." I said warningly, shying away from his hand. I looked up into those gorgeous Prussian eyes and tried to convey my feelings with my eyes. It must have worked because he nodded and gave me a small smile. "I know Duo." Then he kissed me on the cheek chastely and began the long task of combing out the snarled knots that were masquerading as my hair.

"Is this okay?" He asked and I had to smile at the insecure tone of his voice. 

"Yes.. It's fine for now." We sat quietly for the next few hours, the afternoon sun casting a golden glow on the bed and on us. It reminded me of a setting of some movie. 

For that short time I could relax and pretend that Trowa wasn't downstairs torturing himself.. That OZ wasn't planning to capture us and that I wasn't a killer. For that time it was just me and Heero.. and for now.. it was enough.

~Owari~

AN - Well then... this fic is finally over after *checks calender* eight months? ^^; There is a sequel in the works but don't plan on seeing it *too* soon. I'm going to try to put a dent in the multi parters I already have unfinished first.

grin I finally finished! Yay!


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